Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Never Ending Cycle

On lazy hot days like today, I hate going out. So, since nobody was at home, I made myself breakfast for dinner. It's going to be the most satisfying meal I'm going to be having over the next week since I'm going to be mounting my last duty shift this week. Warm, gooey, buttery scrambled eggs on toast with turkey ham. And of course, orange juice and a bowl of mixed berries on the side. I love cooking up detailed set meals when I'm alone at home because it gives me the freedom to actually do whatever the hell I want. And to set up everything so nicely so that I can enjoy a simple, home-cooked meal is such a luxury I enjoy very much.

My mother once commented that I won't die alone if I were to be left to my own devices. I think in my previous life, I was a fifties housewife reincarnate. I enjoy cooking and cleaning and looking at home decorative magazines, perfectly detailing the house I'm going to have all by myself in the future. Lofty ceilings, white-washed walls, leather sofa carefully strewn with cashmere rug; oh what a wonderful life that would be.

I also had the longest talk with Naeem today. We talked about plans for an immediate coffee and gelato session. Another meeting far into the future to conquer the Universal Studios Singapore. And also about university life, and grades, and about faith. I love our back and forth conversations because it makes me think and rethink my life decisions. It's difficult to talk about religion to most people, so I'm grateful for having friends who are strong in their beliefs, and yet are not overzealous when it comes to your own shaking faith. I don't feel attacked like I do with some people, and bad encounters are what have made me severe ties with people whom were once acquaintances.

I've been reading up quite a bit more about the religion and the more I know, the more curious I get, and the more questions I have and it's such a never-ending cycle, And there's only so many questions and doubts a person can take until he breaks, right? But underneath it all reading scriptures and histories of men from years past have made me feel a sense of inner peace, a sense of foreboding as well, and the undeniable feeling of inconsequential-ness  in the face of greater beings.

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