Thursday, 20 September 2012

Spectrum Of Jumbled Thoughts

It was an abnormally long mounting, I feel, so it's nice to finally be at home, away from all the people, all the hassle, and all the drama. Which is also the reason why I declined Erfi's invitation from a few weeks ago to attend Jemimah's birthday party. All my life, I've been the only September baby in my family, and my group of friends. It's only later on in life; in Junior College, and in National Service, that I met people who's birthday falls on the same day as me.
An organisation where black is not always black and white is not always white. Where the grey area is muddled by people who are none the wiser, yet who somehow hold all the power. Where biasness is a deeply entrenched culture, and a place where in order to stay afloat, you'd have to bury all fragments of humanity to stay alive.
I wrote that quote at the start of the week, because that's honestly what I really felt at that point of time. And as a sane, logical person, instead of blowing my top off, I expressed my inner-most thoughts through words. I honestly feel that I'm wasting my time here, meeting people whom I would have otherwise not taken a second glance at. These people; they're so full of themselves, so out of touch with reality, that even though you're mad at them, you can't help but feel a sense of pity, because they're lagging so far behind in terms of maturity that it's sad that these are the people whom Singaporean parents entrust their kids to be taken care of. 

To be perfectly honest, I wasn't in the best of moods this past week, so I was a little extra sensitive, a little bit more prickly than usual. But as someone who's excellent at putting on a veneer, who's able to hide my exact thoughts and feelings, the week went by uneventfully. Because no, I'm not that sort of person that requires people to hold my hands, to ask if I'm okay, to smother me with questions. I'd much rather mull over it on my own, which is what I did at the Tower, with the morning chill and the sea breeze accompanying my spectrum of jumbled thoughts.

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